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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Technology
In this age of technology and instant communication, why do I feel the itching growth of impatience? It is as if I'm perpetually waiting on someone whose reliability is highly inconsistent.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Fears
I know that you're probably not suppose to have two posts in one day, but since I just started this thing, what the hell? I don't know the rules.
I think I'm writing because I'm scared. I am happy that the people who I have shared this link with are the people closest to me and who have gone through thick and thin with me. I am also glad that thanks to my very clever choice of blog title, random people will not stumble across my blog and read my private thoughts (yes, here I reveal my narcissistic, somewhat silly, self-congratulating nature. But of course, you already know that ;) ).
I am scared for two reasons. One, the uncertainty of my future, and two the fate of the world. The first is somewhat self-centered, and the second, a bit heavy.
The world is divided into two camps of people: procrastinators and planners. I'm horrible at procrastination because it stresses me out, so in turn, I have always been the later--a planner who is in the habit of constantly anticipating the future and doing things in the present for the future. In high school, being a planner served me well because I knew exactly where I was going--college--and since everyone was on nearly the same path, I could be ahead of the game by starting early. For example, in the summer before high school, I looked through the San Marcos course catalog and laid out a table charting my course load for the next 4 years... straight down to possible City College classes. While I did not follow this plan exactly (on my chart I said that I would take Latin and AP Physics, which I never did), for the most part it had been pretty accurate. I planned on taking Spanish 101 at CC over the summer so that I could be placed into 5/6 honors by Freshmen year. This I decided because Spanish 1-4 were regular, "unweighted" classes that would "lower" my GPA.
Nowadays--and I blame it on growing up--things...like planning my future...are not so simple. While I could hardly say that my hard honors and AP classes were means to an end, as I did fully enjoy challenging myself and learning as much as I could, they did serve as stepping stones to a good future. These classes were not only what I wanted to do, but they were also in the best interest of my future happiness. But now, I am lost because I don't know how to build those stones towards future happiness.
I chose environmental studies as my major because I thought it was what I wanted and it would make me happy. I wanted a simple life in the future, a life absent of complicated politics, ruthless business negotiations, and pure academic speculation fluff. To those, I say no sirreeyyy, not for me. I knew that I cared about the environment and helping the world, so I thought that Environmental Studies would be the major for me. But now, it seems to bring me more unhappiness than satisfaction. The more I learn, the more dismal the world seems. Despite the gargantuan nature of the environmental crisis, we see a clear lack of political action nationally and internationally (the most recent example: the failure at Copenhagen). Selfishness and excess seem sewn into human nature, and from the way I see it, unless some strong absolute tyrannical power dictates a change in human behavior, people are only willing to continue wasting the planet away.
The more I educate myself, the sadder I become. So many times, I have cried over the state of the world, and the daunting task of saving us from ourselves. It seems silly to cry about knowledge, and I know that when I do it, my parents think that it's somewhat sensitive and bizarre, but I ask, what can be more tragic than knowing that my own lifestyle, the lifestyles of my closest friends and family, and those of my respected teachers and peers are leading us towards an uglier world of pollution and wastefulness? Americans, who account for 5% of the world's population, consume 25% of the world's resources. I don't want to participate in that dooming statistic. Even worse, our lifestyle is the inspiration for the rest of the 95% of the world. While the Earth can't even sustain us, the rest of the world is chasing this over-consuming and waste generating American dream.
I ask, what could be more hopeless than knowing that those who fight against it--the capitalistic system that spurs consumerism and urges us to buy more and more--are scoffed at as socialists and idealists? Then I think, is that the profession I have chosen for myself? It is so terribly hard to convince people to change their behavior. People are hooked to convenience, mesmerized by the superficial, and stuck on the treadmill that runs towards the next upgrade--from the mac to the macbook pro, from the one-garage house to the two-garage house with pool, from the newest urban outfitter trend to the even newer selection. Who am I to ask people to change?
I apologize that my post sounds so negative, and when I start thinking like this, I find that my only source of solace in thinking about the people in my life who seem content in themselves. Right now, I'm thinking about Mr. Bausback, who I exchanged e-mails with in the last few days and who have sent me a picture of him with his wife and three lovely boys. I think Mr. Bausback is an inspirational teacher because he not only goes above and beyond his duties as a teacher (like hosting C-U-there clubs before tests and coming to school an hour before classes start), but he also becomes someone who students can go to for advice. After having visited his family and babysat his kids, it became obvious that he and his family are people who have defied the need for the brands and upgrades, who don't constantly compare themselves to the materialistic status of their neighbors, and who are happy in of themselves and of their family and friends. He was also an environmental studies major. :) Perhaps there is hope.
I think I'm writing because I'm scared. I am happy that the people who I have shared this link with are the people closest to me and who have gone through thick and thin with me. I am also glad that thanks to my very clever choice of blog title, random people will not stumble across my blog and read my private thoughts (yes, here I reveal my narcissistic, somewhat silly, self-congratulating nature. But of course, you already know that ;) ).
I am scared for two reasons. One, the uncertainty of my future, and two the fate of the world. The first is somewhat self-centered, and the second, a bit heavy.
The world is divided into two camps of people: procrastinators and planners. I'm horrible at procrastination because it stresses me out, so in turn, I have always been the later--a planner who is in the habit of constantly anticipating the future and doing things in the present for the future. In high school, being a planner served me well because I knew exactly where I was going--college--and since everyone was on nearly the same path, I could be ahead of the game by starting early. For example, in the summer before high school, I looked through the San Marcos course catalog and laid out a table charting my course load for the next 4 years... straight down to possible City College classes. While I did not follow this plan exactly (on my chart I said that I would take Latin and AP Physics, which I never did), for the most part it had been pretty accurate. I planned on taking Spanish 101 at CC over the summer so that I could be placed into 5/6 honors by Freshmen year. This I decided because Spanish 1-4 were regular, "unweighted" classes that would "lower" my GPA.
Nowadays--and I blame it on growing up--things...like planning my future...are not so simple. While I could hardly say that my hard honors and AP classes were means to an end, as I did fully enjoy challenging myself and learning as much as I could, they did serve as stepping stones to a good future. These classes were not only what I wanted to do, but they were also in the best interest of my future happiness. But now, I am lost because I don't know how to build those stones towards future happiness.
I chose environmental studies as my major because I thought it was what I wanted and it would make me happy. I wanted a simple life in the future, a life absent of complicated politics, ruthless business negotiations, and pure academic speculation fluff. To those, I say no sirreeyyy, not for me. I knew that I cared about the environment and helping the world, so I thought that Environmental Studies would be the major for me. But now, it seems to bring me more unhappiness than satisfaction. The more I learn, the more dismal the world seems. Despite the gargantuan nature of the environmental crisis, we see a clear lack of political action nationally and internationally (the most recent example: the failure at Copenhagen). Selfishness and excess seem sewn into human nature, and from the way I see it, unless some strong absolute tyrannical power dictates a change in human behavior, people are only willing to continue wasting the planet away.
The more I educate myself, the sadder I become. So many times, I have cried over the state of the world, and the daunting task of saving us from ourselves. It seems silly to cry about knowledge, and I know that when I do it, my parents think that it's somewhat sensitive and bizarre, but I ask, what can be more tragic than knowing that my own lifestyle, the lifestyles of my closest friends and family, and those of my respected teachers and peers are leading us towards an uglier world of pollution and wastefulness? Americans, who account for 5% of the world's population, consume 25% of the world's resources. I don't want to participate in that dooming statistic. Even worse, our lifestyle is the inspiration for the rest of the 95% of the world. While the Earth can't even sustain us, the rest of the world is chasing this over-consuming and waste generating American dream.
I ask, what could be more hopeless than knowing that those who fight against it--the capitalistic system that spurs consumerism and urges us to buy more and more--are scoffed at as socialists and idealists? Then I think, is that the profession I have chosen for myself? It is so terribly hard to convince people to change their behavior. People are hooked to convenience, mesmerized by the superficial, and stuck on the treadmill that runs towards the next upgrade--from the mac to the macbook pro, from the one-garage house to the two-garage house with pool, from the newest urban outfitter trend to the even newer selection. Who am I to ask people to change?
I apologize that my post sounds so negative, and when I start thinking like this, I find that my only source of solace in thinking about the people in my life who seem content in themselves. Right now, I'm thinking about Mr. Bausback, who I exchanged e-mails with in the last few days and who have sent me a picture of him with his wife and three lovely boys. I think Mr. Bausback is an inspirational teacher because he not only goes above and beyond his duties as a teacher (like hosting C-U-there clubs before tests and coming to school an hour before classes start), but he also becomes someone who students can go to for advice. After having visited his family and babysat his kids, it became obvious that he and his family are people who have defied the need for the brands and upgrades, who don't constantly compare themselves to the materialistic status of their neighbors, and who are happy in of themselves and of their family and friends. He was also an environmental studies major. :) Perhaps there is hope.
What kind of blog?
Ever since Nattie started her photo blog, I've been inspired to start one myself. It's a great way to see what everyone is actually up to without all the ties to facebook. I also want to try a daily photo blog, but the challenge seems daunting. I don't think my life is interesting enough (or that I carry my camera around often enough) to have a daily photo blog.
So instead, I will make this blog a fusion--a morph, some might say--of Natalie's photo blog and Amber's diary entries.
I hope y'all enjoy :)
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